Overdueness & The People Who Work for My Gyno Think I'm Crazy

I'm so overdue on blogging about what it is (for me) to be pregnant for the first time, I should be flogged.  But I'd probably pass out as the first lash was headed my way, falling down with just enough time to hear the whoosh of the leather flogging whippy thing over my head.  Because that's how tired I am.  No one tells you how tired you can get.  I emailed a friend of mine (a long overdue reply due to the fact that I couldn't walk to my computer without falling asleep) and in the email I wrote, "When your body is making a person, you get tired."  She said I should make that saying into a t-shirt.  I probably should.  But I need a nap first.  If I see that shirt out there, I want my cut.  I'll take it in blankets and pillows, thank you.

So, my plan is to catch up on all the baby-building goodness that's happened since I found out I was pregnant on September 23rd.

Here are the main things that I need to write about:
1. Finding out - CHECK
2. Calling the gyno - that's what this one is
3. Telling the parents
4. Telling the in-laws
5. First gyno visit
6. The baby toys that my husband decided to get ALREADY and WITHOUT ME
7. Second gyno visit

Dear God.  That's a lot.  Best get started.

CALLING the GYNO.  aka THE PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR MY GYNO THINK I'M CRAZY
I got my first positive pregnancy test a little after 7:30am.  Once Tom went to work, I looked up my gyno's phone number and called, thinking there's no way in the world they will open before, oh, 2pm, because I just had a feeling I was going to have to wait forever to do this first of many rite of passage tasks that I'm sure most pregnant women love to do.  The recording said they opened at, pleasant shocker, 8:30am!  I had about 20 minutes to occupy myself.

What the hell was I going to do?  It's too early to call any of my friends in Los Angeles.  I'm sure they'd be excited, but not at 6am - it's not 6am-worthy.  Can't call the folks as I was planning to drive over there in a little bit.  I called one of my friends here, but she didn't answer.  Some friend.  Didn't she KNOW I had THINGS, very IMPORTANT THINGS to tell her?!  Ah!

OK, I'll walk my dog.  And, you know, for fun and all, I'll take my cell phone in case I'm still walking him as 8:30 hits.  NOT that I'd call RIGHT at 8:30.  That's lame.  And a little desperate.  And I do NOT want to be pregnant AND desperate.

Phone clock turns 8:28, 8:29, 8:30...wait for it...8:31!  Time to make a call.  8:31 is not lame.  Plus, for all I know the clocks at the doc's (yes, I rhymed on purpose) is fast and I'll call and they'll look at their clock and go, "Oh! It's 8:35.  This girl probably just casually picked up the phone to call us, not having any clue when we opened.  What a patient and relaxed person."

Here's the best part.  Would you like to know what I say to the woman when she answers the phone?  I say, "I peed on a stick and it said I'm pregnant.  Now what?" I PLANNED to say that.  I did.  Isn't that awful? And the woman, says, "What?"  Did I really expect a different response?  But, because it was in my plan, planted in my brain and my brain isn't functioning properly ever since I saw two lines on my First Response stick, I REPEAT it.  And the woman, probably realizing she isn't going to get anything more intelligent out of me says, "So, you're pregnant."  And I say, "Yeah," in a slightly ashamed manner.  So, not starting off so well, but it gets worse.

She asks me the first day of my last period.  Now, as many of you know, this is the standard way to figure out how far along you are until you get to do an ultrasound and measure the little peanut.  Unless you are a super nerd like me and you have been charting your cycles and you know when you ovulated so you knew when to plan "the deed" and you know, with pretty damn good accuracy, about when conception occurred, you just listen to what the nice lady has to say and shut your mouth.  Also if you're charting, you'll know if your cycles (the one where you got pregnant in particular) was long or short, thus affecting the timeline.  And, it always helps, too, if you're a bit of a know it all.  And what makes this even more exciting is that I'm all of the above, and unfortunately, I didn't have ALL the information I need.  Let me 'asplain.

So the woman on the other end of the line who is just doing her job pauses (presumably to fiddle with some device that will tell her when I got pregnant) and announces, "So you're 5 weeks pregnant."  And I knew the person I spoke with would probably be a little off considering my cycle this go round was 39 days and not the expected 28, but this seemed way off.  So I say, "No, I'm 13 days pregnant." And she's like, "Huh?" And I explain that I've been charting and I know when I ovulated and I'm 13 days pregnant!  And she tries to tell me that I'm 5 weeks again and I launch into my spiel again, assuming that most people do not CHART, but that she MUST have heard of charting and somewhere I must be getting through.  Nope.  All I get is a very condescending, we're-just-going-to-give-you-these-little-blue-pills kind of voice from her and it says, "Well, let's make an appointment for next week anyway."  So, defeated, I make my appointment.  Not that I was hugely irritated because I heard most people don't get in to see their doctors until much later.

But, what makes my argument WORSE is something that NO ONE TELLS NON-PREGNANT PEOPLE!  The two weeks BEFORE conception COUNT toward your PREGNANCY WEEKS!  No one told me that!  Had I know that, I would have AT LEAST be wise enough to say that I was FOUR WEEKS pregnant and not 13 DAYS.  And then I wouldn't have been SO crazy.